Chaptor !@

"Why don't we go for a drive?" Brett asked.

"I don't want to go for a drive, I'm ornery." Kenneth replied

"Do you want to go eat another unicycle mullet wearing hillbilly?

"OK OK, I'll get my keys.. Kenneth trailed off as he headed for his room

"Don't you want to take the Toyota?" Brett asked sarcastically

"Don't make me gag." Kenneth replied as he returned from his room down the hall.

Kenneth pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the main drag. The motor roared as he worked the gas.



"This is real freedom, isn't it?" Brett exclaimed as they cruised down Ogden's main drag.

"Uh... not exactly." Kenneth replied, his mind trailed off to when he was spending most his time in the mountains. That was real freedom. No rules, no having to account to anyone for his actions. Sleeping when he wanted to sleep, eating when he wanted to eat... then there was more sleeping. All in all it was the life he wished he could live forever. He honestly felt totally free. But he could not deny that he longed for life with people and though he wished he could spend all this time in the woods, it would never work.

"Kenneth!" Brett screamed and Kenneth swerved to avoid a car crossing perpendicular through the intersection.

"Dude, you've ran like three red lights. Pull over, let's stop at Maceys real quick.


"Why do you want to stop at Maceys?" Kenneth questioned.

"Uh.. habit, we used to work there and it rocked." Brett answered.

"Actually, it didn't." Kenneth replied snidely.

"Fine dude, whatever let me go to the candy isle and get a delicious Idaho spud candy treat."

"You are verging on unicycle right now." Kenneth warned

"Hey super, bag the spud idea. Back to the car!" Brett replied full of forced enthusiasm.

Pulling back onto the main drag Kenneth decided a more rural drive was in order and headed for Ogden canyon. It took Brett all the way to the very last turn toward the canyon before he realized they weren't "dragging main", as Brett put it. Mostly because he was going on and on. When he got this way he had a tendency to black out from the real world.

"Dude, where are we going?" Brett asked confused.

"Uh... oh ok.. oh.. wait, I get it. Hot, up the canyon chicks and things right!" Brett was starting to sound excited at the prospect. "Dude, I have to say, since I found out that you Werewolves are real I've been dreaming about a hot she werewolf." Brett admitted a little embarrassed. "That's where we're going tonight isn't it!"

"I know.. I've seen the history on your computer." Kenneth replied. "The only thing I cant figure out is from looking at the list... it must have taken you hours of searching to find out there are no.. how did you put it? "she werewolf's naked parts... I promise you right now we aren't meeting any "hot she wolves" tonight."

"yeah... I know.. it was a Saturday and uh.. well. I was board.. and a little... well, you know." Brett was sounding more and more sheepish.


Brett didn't say much as they headed through the canyon, much to Kenneth's delight,

You shouldn't be so hard on him, he thought to himself.

How can I not be, and why is he always acting so gay?

Kenneth's mind trailed off to a memory of going rock climbing with Brett. He had been dangling Brett over a ledge to unhook a rope they were using when he sat on a cactus and dropped Brett about 15 feet onto a ledge. The ledge stopped him from falling the additional 50 feet and there for had most likely saved his life but he did hit his head pretty hard..

"Well, that explains it." Kenneth said out loud

"Dude, I'm sorry ok! I was just curious and I turned to the Internet! Let it go already."

"What?" Kenneth replied.. "Oh.. uh, yeah.. needs."

They continued through the canyon and moved east past the lake toward the mountains. The road curved north as it made a loop around the far side of the lake, Kenneth was planning on following the road all the way around and back through the canyon when suddenly he caught a foul scent on the air.

Brett's forehead slammed suddenly against the hard dash of the old Galaxy.

"Fetch dude, that fetching hurt like fetch!" Brett growled in an angry tone. Kenneth had to try hard to keep a straight face.

"Well Fetch dude, fetching fetch fetch ya'll biskethead." Was the only reply Kenneth could muster. He mashed down on the gas and made a sharp right, heading east toward the monastery.

"Wow wow wow dude, you know Indians give me the willeys,, its late and I don't even like honey.. why are we going this way?!?" Brett said with definite concern.

"Monks aren't Indians you idiot." Kenneth stated calmly. "And from the smell there might not be any left."

"Well hey shoot, we may as well just get the heck out of here then hu... hu.." Brett stammered.

"Climb in the back and pull down the middle section of the seat, you should be able to reach into the trunk." Kenneth instructed, still calm. Brett did as instructed and quickly found what Kenneth was obviously looking for, a cool black Remington 12 gage with a pistol grip and short barrel.

"Get the ammo from the glove box." Brett was hesitating "get back up here and load that thing."

"Oh fetch man.. oooohhh fetch" Brett was starting to fetch out.

"BRETT! Quit being such a gay and get up here, we're almost there and you'd rather be saf... well kind of safe then sorry right!" Kenneth spoke with a sense of urgency that Brett had heard before.

"Ok dude but what is this thing going to do if its werewolves?!" Brett asked.

"Oh this isn't werewolves Brett... its much worse!, Mutant tree lizards!!"

"Real funny dude," Brett said pulling the shotgun shells out of the glove box.

"I packed those shells myself, the ammunition is pure silver, depending on what kind of shot you are it may not kill a werewolf but it will sting bad enough he'll be heading for the hills.. hopefully." Kenneth said quietly. He had turned the lights off and was now coasting slowly toward the monastery.

"Listen, you've been stuck home playing Rainbow 6 for a month ok, this won't be any different.. Actually this will be different, they won't have guns. They will however have super strength and lightning quick reflexes so I hope you're not feeling too lethargic from not getting that spud at Maceys."

"Can I just say one thing?" Brett interrupted.

"Whats that?"

"Is his supposed to be a pep talk? If it is, its sucking ok."

Why is his kid whining so much... what a freaking baby

The car stopped silently about fifty yards from the monastery and Kenneth slid out, motioning for Brett to follow. It was a warm night and the moon was full. How stereotypical Kenneth thought to himself. Whatever happened to originality!

"Now listen, the only reason your with me is because by now they've probably already smelled you and it'd be useless to just give you the keys and have you "try" to escape. Just stay calm and you'll be fine. Remember, they're obviously evil so don't feel too bad killing them ok. I'll go in first, give me about thirty seconds and then come in. That things not a semi automatic so don't forget the action."

"Which part is that?" Brett asked pointing to the stock.

"You'd better be fetching kidding me or you have no chance at all" Kenneth slipped into the monastery before Brett could respond.

Brett was suddenly all alone in the dark. There was no sound, he could hear movement in the grass outside of the monastery, most likely deer or something right.... right... Brett thought trying to convince himself that his arms weren't going to be ripped out of their sockets tonight. Suddenly he heard the ripping of pants and a fake leather jacket from inside and he knew it had begun.

"All right Witty, time to be a man, Just think of this as practice for those damn Unifiers"

With a deep breath Brett kicked the door to the monastery open and forced himself inside.





to be continued..

Chaptor !!

1887

"Shhh, they're outside again."

Pa cocked back the hammer on his newish Colt peacemaker.


"I'm scared Pa!" Squealed little Andy.

"Quiet boy!" Hissed Pa.

"Now listen, we won't stand for this any more. Them bully's from over the hill ain't taken our land and that's that, now listen, Andy, take Kenneth around back and get the rifles ready, you get them boys in your sights, you shoot just like I taught you." Pa instructed

Pa rushed out the door, gun still cocked, ready for action. Suddenly the old house was dark. Kenneth leaped and flew through the cramped quarters. Something caught his eye from the bathroom, in fact at first it was the bathroom that caught his eye. There was a bathroom inside. "We don't have indoor plumbing yet, this is 1887." Kenneth said out loud.

Kenneth's wooden leg itched.

Then he saw him, Douglas, Douglas was a wiener dog, a three legged wiener dog. ...No, wait.. he has four legs.. . there was a note safety pined to the dogs back that read, "three legged wiener dog." ...oh, that explains it... Kenneth thought.

"Ok somethings not right her." Kenneth stated floating mid air.

The bathtub started to overflow with ice cream.

Someone was shouting from outside, "Where's the rifles boys?!?" It was Pa. Kenneth scooped up Douglas the wiener dog and speed toward the back of the cabin. Little Andy was already shooting out though a broken window.

"Hurry Kenneth, Pa needs us!" Shouted Andy over the roar of gunfire.

Kenneth quickly swung the wiener dog out from under his arm. Gripping the dog's rear legs with his right hand and resting his left hand under the dogs chest he assumed a shooting position. Experience had tough him that he was a better shot from a crouched position then standing. The rest of what happened was much of a blur. There was a lot of shooting, Andy kept running out of ammunition and pausing to reload.

....why isn't he using a wiener dog... Kenneth wondered confused, ...what an idiot....

The dog barked and the unseen enemy fell one by one. Then he saw them, at first it was the eyes, those deep glowing eyes through the darkness. Then they were everywhere. Werewolves.

There was a crash as Brett flew threw the south wall of the cabin, nearly knocking Kenneth to the ground.

"Good!" Kenneth yelled. "You brought a wiener dog!"

"Whats that beeping?" Brett yelled frantically grasping for Kenneth's nipples with his free hand.


"What?" Kenneth responded panicking.




There was a loud thud and Kenneth's limp body hit the floor between his bed and the wall.


...I hurt inside.. mommy...... Kenneth had been warned against the danger of drinking to much Robitussin but he had never seen the ugly aftermath first hand till now. It was only twice the dose, its not like I drank the whole bottle.. why... why. Kenneth heard Brett stirring in the other bedroom. Oh thank goodness he's coming. Just as Kenneth thought Brett would be opening his bedroom door he realised Brett was headed for the bathroom rather then to his rescue.

"I'm money Bit.."

"Brett!" Kenneth interrupted just in time. "I though we agreed this was a PG house!?"

"Uh, don't you eat people? oh oh but only the "bad ones" right like people who like ride unicycles." Brett yelled back in a smug tone.

"You Bastard, you've been reading my diar.. journal!" Kenneth said with extreme frustration.

...That's it Jeppy, now get pissed to keep from crying...



"Brett, I need help, will you come in here.. uh.. I fell off the bed."

Brett walked in the door trying not to laugh. "Kenneth listen, I'm sorry you fell off the bed and all but... aren't you like the biggest baddest wolfthing in Davis county?" "Just get up."



Kenneth let out a deep breath. "I think I mean I need help not being a werewolf."

Chaptor !)

"Brett, I have to tell you something. ... Brett?, Brett I'm trying to tell you something. hhhmm" Kenneth sighed.

"Brett turn off the TV I am trying to tell you something ok."

"Sorry dude, you know this is my show." Brett responded as disappointed as if he had to give up all his N SYNC Cd's.

"Brett, I almost ate a greasy eighty's mullet man thing." Kenneth admitted.

"Brett, BRETT!"

"Dude, what?, I'm sorry, You know this is my show. I thought I could listen to you and still watch so I just muted it. Ok sorry, pause, whats up?" Brett Apologized.

"Dude, I just told you that I almost ate a greasy eighty's mullet man thing." Kenneth re-admitted, lacking the feeling that the first round shined with.

"Do you think if I changed my name to Rett, you know, dropped the B people would think I was a rugged cowboy?" Brett asked.

"DUDE!, what are you talking about? I'm freaking talking to you about something here!" Kenneth said anxiously.

"Ok ok, sorry. I don't know what you want from me, you said you ate a guys mullet or something. That's sick. Sick like nasty not like having a cold." Brett replied.

"I want you to talk to you so you can see how you are, does that make sense?" Kenneth asked with concern

"I'm sorry dude, I haven't had a coke in like two days and I have a head ache. Not to mention my leg is killing me ok and I just want to watch The Last Unicorn and I cant because your talking about some music Billy Ray Cyrus music video." Brett pleaded with Kenneth. "If you want to sing achy breaky heart and stuff while your in the shower then that's ok, ok, you don't know this about me but I sing in the shower sometimes."

Kenneth's eyes rolled.

"Brett, I want you to listen to me very carefully, where did they put your pain medication?" Kenneth prodded

"Dude, I cant take pain medication right now, I've already taken a ton. My face car wash things."

Kenneth gently helped Brett down the hall to his bedroom.

"Kenneth, Moo Shoo Japan Dragon Shower, Shin shee shin shee"

"I know Brett, I know, you just lay down and I'll see you in a few days when you come back to reality."